My mind is rushing like it never has before and I’m being sucked into a downward spiral. Reality presents itself and my spirit is clinging to fantasy. And while I try to call out, it all seems unheard because ultimately in a world such as mine, you are only ever alone.
The clicking of the clock in this musty room is making me ill, while I am still spinning from the blow life dealt. Sandy’s car passes outside, and I see her glance into the window. She pulls off, surely off to donate her time. What a kind woman she was, even under the condition she has.
I wondered how one person could be so very successful with such an awful affliction of the bones as she. Perhaps, just maybe, I was better off than I cared to believe. Indeed wrapped up in my own selfish boo-hoos and wah-wahs.
Here I am, a strong able bodied young man with a world of potential in front of me and I am caught up in a depression over nothing. How ashamed I am.
I do not have it bad, because I have so much to offer and so much to do. The possibilities are endless, and no matter what happens no one can take that away.
After I open a blank document: I have two half-sentences and an emoticon. There is nothing else in my brain.
Here’s a serious advice. Even the nicest people have their limits. Don’t try to reach that point because the nicest people are also the scariest assholes when they’ve had enough.
Demons run when a good man goes to war.
There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man
Waiting was never a strong point of mine, and as I do so in this grotesquely pristine lobby, I am visited by my old friend, Thought. He was an excitable youngster with a lack of both filter and focus. What he lacked in focus, he more than made up for in energy and enthusiasm.
Thought was a boy I often avoided, or tried my best to anyway. Thought was not a courteous companion, rather he often offended for the sake of a good laugh. He liked to take me down a road that led to nowhere.
"You are falling in love, aren’t yo, old pal?" Thought said. He was right next to me, lounging lazily on the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. He seemed older now than I remembered him.
"I cannot say I love him," I respectfully responded. Why should I talk to him anyway? Such a nosy little thing.
"I did not ask if you could say it," he quipped, his dark eyes digging into mine. "Why do you despise me so? You know I only look after you. I am here to protect you. To guide you."
I looked away for a moment, and noticed how the hospital smelled oddly of coffee and perfume. “You have ruined too much to trust.”
At this he laughed, rising from the chair and shaking his head. He stepped across the room and ran his fingers along the tabloids in the wooden rack on the wall. “I ruin nothing. Indeed, I warn you to the inevitable.” He spoke a soft cadence, clearly having known exactly how I would react.
"Those things would have never happened if you hadn’t put the ideas in my head!" I raised my voice for a second. Quickly, my cheeks flushed and I sank back into my chair.
"After all these years you still don’t understand? You have been given a gift," he abandoned the magazines and put his eyes on me once more. "And you act as though you’re cursed to have wisdom beyond anything a person could ask for."
I was reluctant to look at him. The more I did, though I noticed how much he had grown. I was still so bitter, but my gut tingled to say he was right.
"You’re blaming yourself because you didn’t act on my advice. You don’t understand that I don’t tell you these things so you can do something about it. You can’t change the inevitable. I tell you so you can prepare for the hardships." He was approaching me now. "Don’t shoot the messenger." He sat next to me once more.
I looked at him, teary eyed. “I am falling for him,” I confessed.
He smiled, “Good. This is the one.”
The door opened and my mother hobbled out, a nurse by her side. I stood and gathered her things. Thought had disappeared, gone but not forgotten.
"Is Dereck coming over tonight?" my mother asked me as we took the elevator down.
To wonder about one’s own way is to learn to be the best version of oneself. Update your own software and decode your own program. When you work out your own glitches, you become capable of understanding the glitches in others
I’m trying to make myself smile so that I can feel strong enough to pull through. I never knew how heavy this could feel when it’s resting lazily on my trembling shoulders. And I want to scream and throw this weight away but I am collapsing beneath it. I’m sinking deeper and deeper and all I need is the upward momentum of a smile to give me the strength to win this fight, but I can’t even imagine the day when I could smile again. Because when one is tasked with carrying the burden of another man, there is a strength only found buried in the ashes of original intent
Have you ever watched a house burn to the ground? Did you hear the screams from the security system slice through the cold night air? Could you smell the stench of burning dreams billowing higher to touch the stars?
I have seen a home burn to the ground. I have watched as hard work was eaten alive, and lives were stolen to the inbetween. I heard tears sizzle in the leaping red jaws of flame. The fame of fire took that place. Shook my sane.
Have you ever lain across the pavement from destruction?
Have you ever been spared a fate intended for you?